Hazel's Bulletin

August 24, 2009

2009-08-24T19:27:00.000-04:00

I wonder where I will be a year from today. I wonder what I will be like, and how or even if I’ve changed. I wonder if I will be happy. I wonder who I’ll be friends with, and who I managed to keep in touch with from my past. These are some things that have been running through my mind as my final days in my hometown are going by.

I know that most people are probably feeling sadness and excitement as they are about to embark upon a new journey, and so am I. I spent so many days in the beginning of year sporting that look of a deer standing in road of senior year, caught in the headlights of college indecision. Now, here I am, with only five days left before I leave home to start over.

I’m excited. I feel that I am ready to try new things and to gain new life experiences. I cannot wait to meet new people and see new places. I’m excited for that independence that I have been asking for for the past couple of years.

I’m scared. I know that that independence that I will get will come with great responsibility that I fear at times I’m not ready for.

I’m sad. I have never been a fan of goodbyes. I’m not quite sure how to say goodbye to the people who helped make me who I am today. They are the people I love and the people I will carry in my heart wherever I go.

But I know farewells and new beginnings are all part of life. I know that somehow I will make it okay.

I know that somehow we’ll all make it okay.

April 23, 2009

2009-04-23T21:45:00.005-04:00

My job is far from being the coolest one in the world. I am a page at a library. My job is to put recently returned books back on the shelves, and to assist patrons with whatever they need help with. Most of the time, working at such a quiet place does get pretty boring. The quietness sometimes gets to me, but other times, I find comfort in the silence. But the silence does make force me to think sometimes. It gives me time to overanalyze various things in my life, and it gives me time to really notice my surroundings.

One of the things I often wonder about while working at the library is who has read the books that are there. Sometimes thinking about this makes me a little sad. I cannot help but see the amount of people looking through books about depression-- how they know if they have it, what can they do to cope with it or how they can help someone who has it. Or the people browsing books about how to get through the pain of a divorce and how they can make sure their kids are okay with it. There are also people who check out books about getting through an eating disorder, handling life with cancer, overcoming addictions, and dealing with the aftermath of a physical or sexual abuse.

Sometimes I wonder if people read these books for research or because they are going through something so terrible. Whenever I think it is the latter, I just want to reach out to them and tell them that it's all going to be okay, but I know that it's not really my place. So here I am now, writing this bulletin, hoping that those people who might be experiencing these problems might read this one day. I'm just that girl from the library who puts back the books that you browse through, but I know that you'll be okay.

2009-04-21T21:19:00.001-04:00

Everyone is moving on.
I'm afraid of what would happen if I stay still.
I guess I will just move on, too.

I hope I float on alright.

December 29, 2008

2008-12-29T16:41:00.000-05:00

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around."

-Love Actually

Whenever I need to restore my faith in love and all things that warm hearts, I watch this movie. It never fails to make me cry, laugh and smile.

November 11, 2008

2008-11-11T16:39:00.001-05:00

As days go by, the thought of leaving next year is becoming more and more surreal. While at times, the thought seems incredibly exciting to me, there are also those moments where I can’t help but feel sad and nostalgic.

On Monday afternoon, as I sat with 320 people that I grew up with, it hit me that by this time next year, we will all be in different places leading very different lives. While, true, I have always known this, the fact that most of the people I have known since I came to this country will no longer be in my life has never really dawned on me. Of course there will be those that I will always keep in touch with, but a part of me will really miss this place and everyone in it.

Someone once told me that when we leave this town, it will never be the same to us. We will come back as different people who have developed new wants, learned new lessons and experienced new things. But I hope we all remember that we have all made memories here, some wonderful and endearing while some less so, but those memories will always be part of us for they have helped us become who we are today and who we will ultimately be. It is strange to think that in time, most of us will become a population of mere memories to each other. But I hope we all smile when we look back and remember all the great times we had. I hope we all take a little bit of each other and a little bit of this place wherever life takes us.

September 15, 2008

2008-09-15T16:21:00.002-04:00

It started with a sunrise. In less than a year, a wave of maroon and white will mark the end of an era. Until then, here's to a great, memorable year with my best friends...

September 1, 2008

2008-09-01T16:13:00.001-04:00

In the midst of summer vacation, I looked up and felt serenity just by glimpsing the clouds.

I hope you all had a good one.

June 23, 2008

2008-06-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

It’s officially summer, and I am glad. While I do have another final to take, at least it’s almost over. The summertime is my favorite of the year, and not just because there is no school. I just love the weather and the spirits floating around during the summer. While I don’t really have any GREAT big plans, I am still looking forward to it. Perhaps because a couple of weeks ago, I reached a new level of freedom-- I finally bought a car! He is lovingly known around these ends as The Boss, and he made me realize my next topic for The Bulletin.

See, I have been driving around my town a lot to get myself acquainted and familiarized with this new vehicle of mine. Those times are usually spent listening to music so loudly that I find myself in my own little world. A realization came over me when I felt serenity and comfort just by having my hair blow in the wind while blasting my favorite songs on the radio-- It is the little things like that which are often taken for granted. Just those things that bring such little pleasures that make me so happy. They’re things like looking at the clouds on a nice summer day, stargazing while laying on the grass with people I love, looking for a rainbow after a big storm. I’m sad to say that I often overlook those things that I used to love doing. I claim myself to be a scavenger of love and beauty in the world yet many times I don’t see them in what is right in front of me. So this summer, those are some little pleasures in life that I am planning to rediscover.

I hope you’re not afraid of rediscovering little pleasures as they are often very much underrated. It’s never too late to love something or someone again.

This post doesn’t make sense. I just ramble too much; you’ll learn that soon enough.

Happy summer.

June 9, 2008

2008-06-09T16:01:00.000-04:00

Whenever I meet the task of writing for The Bulletin, I always come to a state of perplexity. I feel like I have so much to say and yet I’m just never too sure what to write about. I think of writing about major world events then I think (silently, of course) "Hey, that’s what we have Specials for." And then I think of writing about exactly who I am, but then again, I’m not even sure who that is. So alas, for the first Bulletin, I was forced to search my brain for a random experience or thought and a memory presented itself back to me.

I recalled a certain Drivers Ed class I had this past fall when my class watched a really boring movie on a rainy day. It wasn’t raining very hard, just enough to cause darkness outside and make everyone feel gloomy and tired. One boy fell asleep, and when people took notice, they started laughing at him. He awoke looking so confused. He didn't even know he was the one being laughed at. When I talked to some friends, I was told that he often gets made fun of, even at work and at home. I just felt so incredibly bad for this boy, and I feel so ashamed that I didn't say anything to anyone around him. I just gave him a sympathetic smile. I don't know if people are better off knowing how people perceive them, or if they're better off thinking everything's alright. Maybe he does know and he just chooses to ignore it. If that's the case then I think he's really strong.

Looking back, I can’t help but admire the boy. At least he knows who he is. Me? I’m not very sure who I am. I can’t even write a whole Bulletin about myself.