August 24, 2009

I wonder where I will be a year from today. I wonder what I will be like, and how or even if I’ve changed. I wonder if I will be happy. I wonder who I’ll be friends with, and who I managed to keep in touch with from my past. These are some things that have been running through my mind as my final days in my hometown are going by.

I know that most people are probably feeling sadness and excitement as they are about to embark upon a new journey, and so am I. I spent so many days in the beginning of year sporting that look of a deer standing in road of senior year, caught in the headlights of college indecision. Now, here I am, with only five days left before I leave home to start over.

I’m excited. I feel that I am ready to try new things and to gain new life experiences. I cannot wait to meet new people and see new places. I’m excited for that independence that I have been asking for for the past couple of years.

I’m scared. I know that that independence that I will get will come with great responsibility that I fear at times I’m not ready for.

I’m sad. I have never been a fan of goodbyes. I’m not quite sure how to say goodbye to the people who helped make me who I am today. They are the people I love and the people I will carry in my heart wherever I go.

But I know farewells and new beginnings are all part of life. I know that somehow I will make it okay.

I know that somehow we’ll all make it okay.

April 23, 2009

My job is far from being the coolest one in the world. I am a page at a library. My job is to put recently returned books back on the shelves, and to assist patrons with whatever they need help with. Most of the time, working at such a quiet place does get pretty boring. The quietness sometimes gets to me, but other times, I find comfort in the silence. But the silence does make force me to think sometimes. It gives me time to overanalyze various things in my life, and it gives me time to really notice my surroundings.

One of the things I often wonder about while working at the library is who has read the books that are there. Sometimes thinking about this makes me a little sad. I cannot help but see the amount of people looking through books about depression-- how they know if they have it, what can they do to cope with it or how they can help someone who has it. Or the people browsing books about how to get through the pain of a divorce and how they can make sure their kids are okay with it. There are also people who check out books about getting through an eating disorder, handling life with cancer, overcoming addictions, and dealing with the aftermath of a physical or sexual abuse.

Sometimes I wonder if people read these books for research or because they are going through something so terrible. Whenever I think it is the latter, I just want to reach out to them and tell them that it's all going to be okay, but I know that it's not really my place. So here I am now, writing this bulletin, hoping that those people who might be experiencing these problems might read this one day. I'm just that girl from the library who puts back the books that you browse through, but I know that you'll be okay.

Everyone is moving on.
I'm afraid of what would happen if I stay still.
I guess I will just move on, too.

I hope I float on alright.